Turning Inward - Redux

I have always been called "melancholy". I think I'm more "pensive" or "reflective". Ever since I was very young, as far back as I can remember, which is just before I started kindergarten, everyone is always asking "what's wrong?", or why I was in such deep thought, but I was just being who I am.

As a young child, I would prefer pictures of myself and others who are not smiling, that had a serious look on their face. When others would laugh, it didn't make me smile, it annoyed me. I preferred friends that weren't always bubbly and smiling and in good mood all the time. When I did try to join in the humor that others enjoyed, it didn't make me laugh, it usually made me mad, or sad. That is because the humor I have seen most of my life always comes at the expense of someone else, it is evil, cruel and degrading. I was often the target. Yes, I can see the humor in myself, and I have laughed with others at some of the oddities of myself, but to do this constantly is not interesting.

Also, when I was a child, an extended period laughter caused me to have severe asthma attacks that would take several hours to recover from, so I tried to keep from laughing so much.

Now, I am single again, and every now and then I scan the personals and dating sites. My personality is the total opposite of what people are looking for. "Must have a good sense of humor", "loves to laugh", "makes me laugh". I'm doomed to being alone. Yes, I've dated, but I always get the comments that I seemed "preoccupied" or sad, or that I was off in my own little world. That is just me, that is the way I've always been, even when I was young.

I have always preferred the company of females over males, because I have never understood the male personality, even though I am one. I've never like sports, though I am an avid runner. I don't like action movies, the action in those movies are incredibly uninteresting. The movies I like best, are what's known to many as "chick flicks". Dramas where the stories are character-based and not event-based. Romantic comedies that have a serious theme. I can name many, there are too many.

As I grow older, some have commented that I'm becoming more serious or depressed . I get teary-eyed when I witness happy-endings, or hear news about how someone has helped others and they have had a great success. Lost dogs finding their owner's again have always made me feel this way. Children growing up, being successful, and having children of their own, wabi-sabi.

I'm just rambling. blah, blah, blah.

"There is nothing more sad or glorious than generations changing hands."