April 2, 2007

Turning Inward - Redux

I have always been called "melancholy". I think I'm more "pensive" or "reflective". Ever since I was very young, as far back as I can remember, which is just before I started kindergarten, everyone is always asking "what's wrong?", or why I was in such deep thought, but I was just being who I am.

As a young child, I would prefer pictures of myself and others who are not smiling, that had a serious look on their face. When others would laugh, it didn't make me smile, it annoyed me. I preferred friends that weren't always bubbly and smiling and in good mood all the time. When I did try to join in the humor that others enjoyed, it didn't make me laugh, it usually made me mad, or sad. That is because the humor I have seen most of my life always comes at the expense of someone else, it is evil, cruel and degrading. I was often the target. Yes, I can see the humor in myself, and I have laughed with others at some of the oddities of myself, but to do this constantly is not interesting.

Also, when I was a child, an extended period laughter caused me to have severe asthma attacks that would take several hours to recover from, so I tried to keep from laughing so much.

Now, I am single again, and every now and then I scan the personals and dating sites. My personality is the total opposite of what people are looking for. "Must have a good sense of humor", "loves to laugh", "makes me laugh". I'm doomed to being alone. Yes, I've dated, but I always get the comments that I seemed "preoccupied" or sad, or that I was off in my own little world. That is just me, that is the way I've always been, even when I was young.

I have always preferred the company of females over males, because I have never understood the male personality, even though I am one. I've never like sports, though I am an avid runner. I don't like action movies, the action in those movies are incredibly uninteresting. The movies I like best, are what's known to many as "chick flicks". Dramas where the stories are character-based and not event-based. Romantic comedies that have a serious theme. I can name many, there are too many.

As I grow older, some have commented that I'm becoming more serious or depressed . I get teary-eyed when I witness happy-endings, or hear news about how someone has helped others and they have had a great success. Lost dogs finding their owner's again have always made me feel this way. Children growing up, being successful, and having children of their own, wabi-sabi.

I'm just rambling. blah, blah, blah.

"There is nothing more sad or glorious than generations changing hands."

9 comments:

Peacechick Mary said...

You could put this up on one of the dating sites - just an honest assessment. I know some who would be very happy to find someone to go with them to the movies they liked. Also, someone who doesn't have to be made to laugh all the time would be a great relief. Go for it.

Mary said...

I agree with Peacechick.

Aaron A. said...

It does often seem that stupid people are always happy.

supergirlest said...

yup. i'm with pm and mary. you're not toxic, you're delightful.

Pam said...

agree, agree, agree & agree.

It takes a person who is pretty secure with themselves not to take "pensive" personally.

I prefer a dry sense of humor, which I think you have. An ability to laugh (wryly) at the absurdities in life. Don't any women list that in personals?

angry ballerina said...

I wouldnt label you as 'pensive'persay....more like 'batshit'



LUV YA!


/**tottles off in a drunken stupor**/

pissed off patricia said...

Thank goodness we are all different. Perhaps if you meet someone special you will be all about that person and not be reflecting on yourself. This is kind of my experience speaking now.

azgoddess said...

i think as we grow older -- we can honestly state who we are without feeling apprehensive

be who you are -- go to dating sites if you wish but please ignore the women who want happy-happy-happy and search for the 'real' ones on there...they might not be the pretty -- happy ones but at least they will have substance...

oh and try craigslist...they seem to be realer than other...in fact an ad like the one you wrote here would get a response...

BBC said...

Humor is important, we need to be able to laugh at ourselves, and others. That is just the way it is.

But as for dating, I'm so done with that, women are just too damn needy anymore.

I prefer to stay home and watch my chick flicks because the women in them are cool where the women in real life are not like them at all even though they also like those flicks.

Just saying.