December 24, 2006

Peeking at the world.

I'm locked up in a cage. This cage is locked from the inside by me. It is to keep out those people who might make my life uncomfortable, from those I don't understand, those who are not like me, those who want what I have. I can leave the cage at anytime, and do. But I soon as I return, I withdraw from the world and lock myself inside. The walls of my cage are built so I can see all that goes on outside my cage, but others cannot see in. I would like to invite people inside, but I'm afraid if I do, they won't leave, so I no ones gets in my cage.

The cage is imaginary. It is in my head. No one knows the thoughts I have and what the inner voices tell me. It is because the voices are not in agreement with the popular opinions of this world, so I hide away. I've tried to free the thoughts, to let others know what I think, but because they are always rejected, criticized, belittled, and negated, and evoke such negative responses from those outside the cage, I hold them in now.

These voices are not forbidden or evil, they want a compassionate world, a world not based on control, but based on freedom. To let others live as they want to live, as long as they don't infringe any one's else life.

But this is the world I force myself to live. Life in a cage, spying on the rest of the world, yearning to find someone that accepts me as I am, so I don't have to live in the cage alone, letting me live the way I think is best for me. Shared respect. Someone I can share these hidden voices with. They don't have to agree, just understand, or make an effort to understand.

But even that is scary. Someone on the outside, knowing what the voices are telling me. Maybe it's better if no one knows.

When I was a child I caught a fleeting glimpse,
Out of the corner of my eye.
I turned to look but it was gone.
I cannot put my finger on it now.
The child is grown, the dream is gone.
I have become comfortably numb.


Anonymous said...

Hello there!

Not easy to let anyone in the cage, especially someone who will share or understand our thoughts and not be judgemental...

Even if the voices are good ones, some people will never understand them and they will be negative and try to make us think differently.

Is it better to be alone with our voices and thoughts? perhaps....

Have a great holiday Nick.. hope you are with people who respect and understand your thoughts and feelings... ;-)

Take care.


Pam said...

Well, this blog is a little window into that cage and lots of people here understand and think the same way you do about a lot of thinks.

This post was very touching. May the voices give you some peace and let you share more of yourself with us readers all over North America and maybe even the world. Living in Montgomery must be especially tough to meet people who understand divergent, independent thinking (I grew up in Alabama - I know first hand).

One of my most favorite Pink Floyd songs too......

Peace to you and yours.