Black Dog
Today is supposed to be my Dog/Spirituality Friday post. But I have nothing. The Black Dog is visiting me again.
How can I, a successful person that has had good career and relatively happy adult life, succumb to the shadows over and over again? I do all the things therapists advise to blow off the melancholy moods, but sometimes it doesn't work, most times it makes it worse.
I went shopping at lunch today, and I think that was the beginning of this darkness. The noise, the crowds, the awful muzak, the stores peddling tons and tons of useless junk. I went intent on getting in the spirit, and left in less than 30 minutes, empty handed and wondering why this tradition keeps annoying me so much more every year. Storm clouds have followed me the rest of the day.
Where is my bliss? This consumer economy that seems to make so many people happy, has the totally opposite effect on me.
Humor? No nothing is funny when I'm in this mood. Socialize? I don't like being around or talking to people, it seems to make the mood worse. Drugs? No, been there, done that. Just made me numb. It was like my brain stopped working.
There is one thing that I know will work, and I'm about to succumb to my favorite addiction, just thinking about it is already putting me in a better mood. Maybe on my long run I can come up with something happier than this waste of a blog post.
10 comments:
Hang in there, Nick! Before you know it, January will be here, the days will be getting noticeably longer, the crappy muzak, blow-up Santas and holiday rage will go back in storage. All I ask of December is to get through it without melting down like a Texas snowball.
Sorry you are having a black cloud day, nick. The things that you mentioned that cheer other people up really just numb them, for the most part. Depressed people have a more accurate view of the world. It's not considered "psychologically healthy" to remove your rose colored glasses.
Fighting the blues every now and again is better than sleepwalking through your life. As least you are feeling something, as opposed to the many self-medicators out there.
Hope the run helps. Nothing like good old endorphins to chase away the black dog!
Well, it seems we visit a lot of similar blogs, yet never visit each other's.
I run and bike, and that always gives me time for introspection (especially biking). I get re-evaluate things and prioritize. Plus, when I'm done, I'm filled with self-satisfaction because I took care of myself.
You know, visiting The Few has helped a lot of the folks around here.
this is FAR from a waste of a blog post!
some of us are just way more sensitive to the emptiness of a culture that prefers noise and crowds and junk. there's a quote i always sign off with in email:
"it is not a sign of good health to be well-adjusted to a sick society."
~j. krishnamurti
i know that i feel most organically at home when i'am far far away from the madness of the city and the status quo. you are not alone. hugs!
Nick, Nick, Nick.... Why bother with a therapist that is as fucked up as you are, but hiding it so he/she can get your money while acting bubbly on the surface?
Ah, J. Krishnamurti, "Think On These Things". Now there is a man that has have a profound effect on how I think about things. Right up there with Einstein.
Shopping? I'm done with it, hell, I never started it. If I want new socks I will go buy some. If I want to give someone something I buy it for them no matter what time of year it is.
Fuck Christmas. Umm, hang in there pal.
Hey Nick,
I've decided to stay away from the shopping centers. Anyways, I can't walk around too much so I have a very good excuse.
The doctor has prolonged my leave till Feb 5. More tests to pass in January.
Although, sometimes I enjoy getting out and seeing people. Most often, I'll go have a cup coffee and just watch people going by. The other day this teenager dropped a whole 24 bottles of beer in the parking lot. Can I tell you that his mother was really really annoyed with him. ;-)
Feel better soon mon ami.
Take care of yourself.
XOXOXOXOXOXOX
I have read that the shorter days of winter with less sunshine sometimes can contribute to these feelings. I don't know if it will help or not, but think of Dubya, then outside in your yard and pull up EVERY week you can find. And while you're doing it, call that weed "Dubya.The.Vile.Prick." Or kick some rocks.
Whatever helps you, I'm with you all the way. And I agree that this is NOT a waste of a post. Many people feel the same, I suspect.
OT, thank you for the kind words you always leave at my place. I cherish reading them. You are very gifted with words, and it is a PLEASURE to read something well-written.
Thank you.
is there an email address for you somewhere in here that i can't see? i want to send you a note... if it's cool with you, would you email me? the link is in my side bar - at the bottom...
and if you know how to get ahold of bsb, i'm fearing that she didn't see my response about an invite to her blog and i don't want to miss another day! :)
Nick, This is hardly a wasted post but like the others have commented, this can be an extremely depressing time of year. The shopping malls alone always cause me to break out in a cold sweat with its consumer driven frenzy atmosphere.
Hang in there!
Definitely not a waste of a post!
Look, almost 2 yrs later and I've found your post on one my searches, and felt better for reading it and feeling less alone and slightly more connected. :)
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