Go Away, Black Dog. Shoo!

One thing I've done with this blog in the past is to write down my dreams which affect my moods or are significant or vivid enough to have be stuck in my head all day. Sometimes these dreams have me waking up laughing or in a particularly good mood, even when they are about emotional times in my life. I have had running "nightmares" the night before a race, where I show up late, or can't find the start line, but then I wake up and feel a great sense of relief to realize it was just a dream.


However, last night, I had one of those dreams about running which made me wake up with this overwhelming sadness. I wonder of it was the dream, or just the result of my current bout of depression which started on Tuesday, and seems to be getting stronger today. Other people's laughter, innocuous remarks, and stresses at work make me want to burst into tears. Is it just a chemical imbalance?

The dream took place at the beginning of race, doing my usual "getting ready" routine, walking around talking to people as they pin their numbers on their shirt, talking to the race officials and friends. I walk up to this group of runners standing around a table pinning on their 'bibs'. My number was 9. I place my bib on the table where others have placed thier bibs, I pick up some safety pins, and when I go to pick my number, I can't find mine. I turn over several, but they are all other numbers. Other people help me look, but we can't find it. I remember talking to the race officials saying I lost my number to see if I can get another number, but they say I'm already in the system. I try to get a piece of paper to hand them at the end of the race, but it is raining and when I try to write on it, the paper falls apart. It is just minutes to the race, and a girl walks up to me and asks what I'm going to do, and I can't think of anything, I just shrug my shoulders. She then reaches in her pocket and hands me a folded piece of paper. It is my race bib. I'm relieved, and I say "Thank you". She looks at me surprised, then walks over to the guy she is with and says; 'I can't believe he said thank you". I think about her statement while I'm trying to pin on my bib, and realize she was playing a joke on me, or trying to keep me from running. Why? That is when the sadness hits. The race starts, but I don't run, I walk back to my car and drive away.

On a side note, can anyone name a famous black dog? (Don't anyone say "Snoop Dog") I was trying to think of one for the title of this post, but couldn't.

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Backing Off A Bit

I'm trying to back off the mileage a little bit for the race on Saturday, but as I try to do that, the weather is teasing me with almost perfect running conditions, cool and dry. I can go at my normal pace and barely break a sweat, so my 3 mile run planned for Tuesday became 5 miles. The "easy" 3 miles on Wednesday had me running faster than usual and barely feeling it, and then 3 miles became 4. "Just one more" the voice in my head screams. I submit too easily.

I will be taking Thursday and Friday off from running, even though the weather is supposed to be fantastic, and the race day forecast is rain. Lovely. Mother Nature's wicked humor. You think I care, go ahead, hit us with your worst. Whatever.

Mileage Stats:
12 Jan - 4
13 Jan - 5
Week: 25
Year: 60

Grain of Sand

beauty of the world
delusion of human mind
good mental defect

Yellow Squash Mystery

Every Sunday I go grocery shopping. I get the same things almost every time. I go through the produce department and get the same fruits and vegetables every week. The last two visits I distinctly remember selecting five or six yellow squash, putting them in a bag and placing them in my cart.

I finish shopping, get home and put away my groceries, and no yellow squash. This has happened two weeks in a row. Last week I thought it might of fell out of the bag, so I look in the car, nothing, so I figured they were left behind at the store. Then the same thing happened yesterday. WTF?

I pay for my groceries with a debit card and I keep the receipts. I check both receipts from yesterday and last week, no yellow squash listed. What is happening to my squash between the time I pick it out and the check-out?

Another odd thing I note; the items listed on the two receipt are almost identical, even the order of the items on the receipt.

I think I need to resolve to add a little variety and spontaneity to my life. HHMM, lets see let me put that on my calendar for a week from Wednesday. I'll try something new every Wednesday at 6:00 PM.

There, how's that for being impulsive.

Wait, maybe I better reschedule that for some other time, it's already starting to stress me out.

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September Ends, Please Don't Wake Me Up

Last month has been one to remember: Storms, evacuations, family, relatives, doctor appointments, travel, curtains shutting, stress, loneliness, failing economy.

Good Bad Happy Sad
Moments of Significance
Sun shines above clouds


It's life. It gets in the way of your plans. Life. Why can't we stick to the plan?

What's Next?

It's time for some Homeostasis and a Trail Run.

"Sing me to sleep,
Sing me to sleep,
I'm tired and I
I want to go to bed......"

- Asleep - The Smiths

Feeling "Infinite"?

Why We Eat

The main purpose of eating is to maintain your health.

In the U.S. it is also a major source of entertainment and gratification. Since religionists identify other forms of self-gratification as immoral, they have created a culture in which this form of pleasure is wholesome and acceptable, when there are times when it isn't. My opinion is; in moderation, any form of contentment is healthy, and avoidence or obsession of these pleasures is ultimately destructive to our body's homeostasis.

There is a joy to eating, and science has learned to recreate the source of the stimulus, without providing the nutrition that real, whole food should provide. They do this by processing the food with salts, sugar, chemicals, and imitation flavors and ingredients. Your body will respond to this imbalance of nutrition from these artificial foods with cravings, which effects our moods, for the nutrients which is missing from the food.

We need to focus on real, whole, unprocessed foods in great variety and colors. If we would pay more for better, well-grown food, we'll benefit ourselves, our communities, and the environment at large.

A good source for nutrition information, and the ecology of food is Michael Pollan

Choices

The choices we make in life determine who we are, or will be.

Does it? Really?

Are we the product of wise or poor decisions? Do we really have a choice of who we are or will become?

Free will is a popular topic on the Dilbert Blog. He contends that we really don't have free will, just the illusion of free will and in the end the the choices we make have no effect on who we are, or on the evolution of the human race or the planet. It is who we are that effect our choices.

I have to agree with his theory. There are many views I have over the years that effect who I am, and there is no way I can change this just be willing it.

I wish I was an extrovert, they seem to be much happier than introverts like myself.

If I could, I would have faith in a supreme being and an eternal place for our salvation, then I could have better peace of mind. (Most religionists don't have faith, or peace of mind either, so I'm not talking about conforming to some religion.)

Do we choose to love someone, or is that connection or preference for another person pre-wired into us?

I could go on about how certain people would choose to be someone else, or have a different lifestyle than the one have, to make their life easier. Pretending to be something you are not, ruins lives, and causes internal mental and emotional damage. However, accepting and being who you are can create much hardship and turmoil from external groups and the society you have to interact with on a daily basis.

You could say that I used free will to create today's post. Well, if I didn't, would my view on the subject be any different?

Song Post: A Murder Of One - Counting crows

This and That

Too many voices just make a steady hum, humming leads to songs, to singing and next thing you know there is a song in my head to replace the voices. I think my own natural chemicals are keeping me high, and songs in my head. I can't focus on anything to write about, the music keeps getting in the way. Soooooooo, I'll just go give myself another jolt of endorphins while I got the music in me. My legs just can't keep still.

Later, got to run. Have you seen my running shoes?

"We gotta get out while were young
`cause tramps like us, baby we were born to run"

Song of the Day: One Time One Night By Los Lobos

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Inner Peace

Is having inner peace a good thing? When events happen in the world, and I strongly agree, or disagree with them, the inner voices start shouting at me.

The reason I started this blog was to have an outlet for these voices to be heard, and I wanted a record of the conversations I have with these thoughts. For years I was living with the frustrations of these inner voices that have different opinions from the popular ones of most those around me were voicing out loud.

I knew my thought process was different from others, I had trouble finding people who had the same voices in their head. Okay, you might not call them voices, but that's what I call them. They are not imaginary friends, those creatures only appear when I'm alone.

I noticed something when I started writing about these voices and let others know my "deviant" thoughts. The voices would go away for awhile. The blog was working at giving me some "inner peace", even if the vast majority would never know or read these ramblings.

This country and world is still messed up, but my mind is more clearer. There is nothing I can do to change the way others think, I can only serve as an example or warning to others.

They love to tell you
Stay inside the lines
But something's better
On the other side

I wanna run through the halls of my high school
I wanna scream at the
Top of my lungs
I just found out there's no such thing as the real world
Just a lie you got to rise above

- No Such Thing, John Mayer

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Conundrum

Don't get greedy, pick just one:

Would you rather be asked a question or read my blog?

Sometimes choices are made for us. If I had my way, I'd run everyday, even if it hurt. But pain is telling me to rest for a while. I have a tendon on the back of my leg that gets severely inflamed every time I run. Running actually makes the pain go away for a short time, but then it returns, even worse after I've rested. So, it is not my choice, I must rest if I want to keep running. It is not an easy choice. I went home yesterday and had to force myself not to run. A voice in my head kept saying "Just one more run, then start resting", but I ignored it. The running and the races, my whole life (at least the part of it I enjoy), will be put on hold for a couple of weeks.

I will be leaving tomorrow to spend a week in Virginia, so this is a good time to put a hold on the running. My son, who will turn 25 next month, is getting married on Saturday.

I also will have to put a hold on the blogging for a little while. I demand that y'all behave while I'm away. Party and laugh all you want, this would be a good time to ridicule the guy with "voices in his head". I know, I know; you already do that.

Be back as soon as I can.

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Artificial Distraction

Saturday morning I did a five mile run which I had spent a year preparing. The last time I ran this race, one year ago, I did very poorly, and was disappointed that my conditioning was not working, so I changed my routine. The change paid off. I managed to run my fastest five mile race ever, a personal record, and now I have a new time to beat, I was happy for a couple of hours.

Then, slowly, the darkness crept in. It was an attack of sadness. Why does this shit happen, even when I'm having a good time, for no reason. Was it that my goal had been met? Was it all the artificial distraction going on all around me, loud music, happy laughing people? Was my system being overloaded?

I have said before, my running helps these mood swings, but it is the long slow runs, not the races, that produce the endorphin highs for me which last for days. This race, and others, seem have the opposite effect, after an initial elation, the onset of sadness. Is it because I've depleted vital nutrients in my system? Is it the effect of my body recovering from a stressful event?

One of the reasons I do races, is not for the competition, but rather to socialize and meet others like myself, and to keep myself focused on healthy activities. It was supposed to eliminate this overwhelming heavy weight of sadness that I've experienced my whole life, and it usually does, but now this black dog was visiting me during the times when I was focused on activities to avoid it. I love the racing activities, if I could just avoid the depression that sometimes occur afterward. Will I keep racing if this darkness keeps finding me there?

So Saturday, I slipped away from all the artificial man-made festivities going on around Alabama this weekend, went into the back country to a small Mom-n-Pop motel that I frequent, did some hiking and avoided all humans and their mindless way of finding things to do. I try to participate in their artificial distractions, but it bores me.

I know I'm not alone, but the sheep just keep following other sheep for no other reason other than someone else is doing it.

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Tuesday Peace Blogging

The Tuesday Topic on Blogs for Peace is right in-line with my last Tuesday Topic post two weeks ago.

"The United States Congress passed a bill last week limiting war funding and calling for substantial withdrawal by next March. President Bush is expected to veto. It is also expected that there are insufficient votes to override this veto, and this will lead to negotiations on a compromise bill.

Do you trust those who are against the war in the US Congress to stick to their policies and stand up for peace?

If not, do you find any wholly political solutions likely or viable for the short-term in ending the Iraq War?"

Our current executive misleader insisted on "Staying the Course" on the Iraq occupation, and has steered the situation into certain disaster. There is now way to win, we are not fighting a war, we are trying to bring security to a region of the world that has a violent past. No point on blaming the guilty, no crimes seem to stick to the leaders that misled us into this situation. We need a solution. The House and Senate has offered continued funding for the war with a clear exit strategy, the executive branch wants to reject this idea and punish the troops for his mismanagement. What do we do? It is a very complicated issue.

I do not see any peaceful solution for this situation. If we leave, there is sure to be an humanitarian crisis, but doing the same failed strategy means thousands of more deaths and much more violence. It is a bad situation. We need to let the fire burn out, which isn't likely to happen no matter what we do, or we need to bring in enough resources to extinguish the fire. As long as we keep letting our current executive misleaders use the Iraq occupation as a political toy, we will not have any success. They are not wise enough to see that their strategy is not working.

The Iraq situation has decreased security for Americans worldwide, and left the U.S. vulnerable because vital components of our defense system our being misused in a misguided, mismanaged occupation which is now a huge resource hog without any positive results. They are just waiting to blame their failures on the next administration.

The only workable solution is setting a timetable for withdrawal and letting the Arab states handle the situation, but that is basically the same problems that have created the civil and religious wars (sectarian violence).

Did you know? Iraqi Kurdistan is as an autonomous entity inside Iraq, with its own local government and parliament since 1992. Yes, even while Saddam was still dictator, he never had much control in Kurdistan since this time. Kurdistan is peaceful.

My Hands

The modern world seeks to conquer nature, to bend it to it's will and to use it wastefully until it is all gone and then simply moves on, leaving the waste behind and looking for new places to take.

The modern world is a monster! A monster who is always hungry and devours natural resources, destroying the very resources it requires to live.

Indigenous cultures of America knew the evils of civilization, and fought hard against. Native Americans lived in balance with nature, taking just what they needed, living in harmony with wild animals, living without destroying the natural world. Their spiritual world was bound to their treatment of the natural world.

From birth on—and probably from conception, but I’m not sure how I’d make the case—we are individually and collectively enculturated to hate life, hate the natural world, hate the wild, hate wild animals, hate women, hate children, hate our bodies, hate and fear our emotions, hate ourselves. If we did not hate the world, we could not allow it to be destroyed before our eyes. If we did not hate ourselves, we could not allow our homes—and our bodies—to be poisoned.

Does love imply pacifism?

The material world is primary. This does not mean that the spirit does not exist, nor that the material world is all there is. It means that spirit mixes with flesh. It means also that real world actions have real world consequences. It means we cannot rely on Jesus, Santa Claus, the Great Mother, God, or even the Easter Bunny to get us out of this mess. It means this mess really is a mess, and not just the movement of God’s eyebrows. It means we have to face this mess ourselves. It means that for the time we are here on Earth—whether or not we end up somewhere else after we die, and whether we are condemned or privileged to live here—the Earth is the point. It is primary. It is our home. It is everything. It is silly to think or act or be as though this world is not real and primary. It is silly and pathetic to not live our lives as though our lives are real. The culture’s problem lies above all in the belief that controlling and abusing the natural world is justifiable.

Within our culture, economics—drives social decisions,
not community well-being,
not morals,
not ethics,
not justice,
not life itself,
economics—drives social decisions.

http://www.endgamethebook.org/index.html

"Bless the beasts and the children
For in this world they have no voice
They have no choice

Bless the beasts and the children
For the world can never be
The world they see"

Munchies

420. It is about hemp.

A plant that can be used for other things than for its euphoria producing properties. It doesn't have to be smoked, the "high" can also be obtained from ingesting the leaves or infusing the leaves for tea.

Hemp seeds (from varieties without THC) are a common cooking ingredient, hemp seed oil is high in omega-3 and omega-6 oils. It is a health food that is often overlooked. It is also used in birdseed. The fibers from the stalks can be spun into thread for highly durable clothing. At one time, hemp was the most popular fiber used for rope and was a common cash crop in early America.

I'm still amazed that a person can go to jail for growing a plant, when this "crime" can be committed with no victim. The crime and victims are in the organized distribution and are the result of government prohibition. There is no victim if I plant a seed and grow this "herb" myself.

It is not that I'm a "stoner". I think the government prohibition has created the underground market. Remember alcohol prohibition?


General Hemp Links:
2 Nature - Organic Hemp Seed Oil Body Care Products
Hemp food, protein powder and bodycare plus more useful information.
Essential oil of Cannabis sativa L. strains, by Vito Mediavilla and Simon Steinemann
Plant Cultures: hemp botany, history, uses
Read Congressional Research Service (CRS) Reports regarding Hemp as an Agricultural Commodity
The Emperor Wears No Clothes
Hemp For Victory American Department of Agriculture video
The Human Exchange Musical Programs (The H.E.M.P.)
State Taxation of Harvested Marijuana Exhibit

Hemp industry
(INEEDHEMP)Divine Tribe
Hemp Industries Association
The Hemp Report (subscription)
IndustrialHemp.net
Canadian Hemp Trade Alliance
International Hemp Association
North American Industrial Hemp Council
Open Directory Project - Business/Agriculture and Forestry/Industrial Hemp
Industrial Hemp Directory
National Non Food Crop Centre
Hemp For Victory Blog

Less Traveled Path

This is what the voices in my head are screaming at me now.........about the Virginia Tech tragedy.

To all the news programs:

Quit glorifying the mentally ill killer. Let's remember the victims and give the killer no air time. If someone else is thinking about doing something similar, the way the news is paying attention to the killer and his message, that someone is deciding that it would be worth it to go ahead with their plans. Look at how the news is making him a martyr! Shame on the news.

To the people watching the news:

Unless it is a program or article honoring the victims, turn it off. Quit watching and reading news about the killer. What you view decides what they program and publish.

To the victims, families:

Forgiveness is the only way. Nothing will turn back time and reverse this horrible event. It was a random act, like a bolt of lightning. Don't give in to the dark monster of revenge, anger, and regret. It will destroy you from the inside out. Remember your loved ones honorably.

We need to learn from this tragedy. Don't let the killer's sickness infect you, also.

"Well Darkness has a hunger that's insatiable
And Lightness has a call that's hard to hear"

- Closer to Fine - Indigo Girls

Everyday's A New Day

Everyday.

All of us are saddened and shocked by the tragedy that happened yesterday at Virginia Tech.

That kind of violence is happening everyday in Iraq. Can you imagine having to live in that kind of environment, everyday?

The violence on the campus of Virginia Tech is over. The traumatic mental recovery of the survivors and witnesses is just beginning. I wouldn't wish that kind of violence or mental trauma on anyone, friend or foe.

Now is not the time to assign blame for the way the tragedy was handled, it is over, lets learn from the events at Virginia Tech, to better handle these situations in the future, not waste our time beckering on what went wrong.

The tragedy in Iraq is still unfolding. Those in charge have not learned anything from their mistakes and mismanagment of that situation. It continues, everyday.

The trauma of the violence will be in their minds, until their mind is gone, or until they die, The scars won't disappear.

The Virginia Tech rampage happened to American people, some of them were our children. It happened on American soil.

Does it make all the violence in Iraq less tragic?

OUTRAGE.

The Right To Be Confused

I'm participating in Blog Against Theocracy. For instructions, click on picture or the link.

I don't know if this qualifies, but this is what the voices in my head forced me to write.

One Man's Confusion, Clarified

Ask me "Do you believe in God?", and I will respond; "Define 'God'".

If your definition of God is the popular Judeo/Christian/Islamic interpretations, defined and explained in the Bibles known as Tanakh, Koran, Old Testament or New Testament, then my answer is "NO", I know that God does not exist, literally. I am a Bible God atheist. Well, not exactly. Yes, I'm spiritually confused, like most people I've ever met.

God is not found in books, or from men telling me their definition of God.

The "Bibles", translated from language to language, and rewritten to conform to modern society, have their origins in the books of Moses, the Torah, the "Pentateuch" or "Chumash", the first five books of the Old Testament. These books were written in Hebrew and are to be read in Hebrew. According to the books, God said not to change anything, not even the smallest "iota" , a small dot in the Hebrew text. Then why did we do that? The translations from Hebrew to Greek, then from Greek to English have changed the meaning and teachings of much of those writings. There is no way to conform to those writing, literally, when we don't even know much about the original writing.

Then what is my "definition of God"?

There is beauty, mystery, and power within our universe. This is God.

There is a spirit within all of us, outside our thoughts, that connects all life in the universe. Life not only of animals, but of plants, ecosystems, planets, the universe, and whatever is beyond that. This is God.

There is something more than what we know, or can ever know, with our limited intelligence. It is so simple, that humans cannot understand it. This is God.

It doesn't mean the "Bibles" are untrue. I believe the books were originally created to be a symbolic, metaphoric explanation of what man cannot explain. God does exist. For each person, God is different, personal, and cannot be defined the same from one person to another. I do not worship a God, but I have faith that something exists. I worship life, that is a true gift from God.

I have said before, we are eternal, only if we see ourselves as part of the whole, the one, the universe. We are made from this debris, and we will eventually return this material back to the planet or universe, to be used again.

Evolution is true, scientists and churches have recognised that evolution and faith are compatible as long as you don't interpret the Bibles literally.

The study of DNA provides a link to us and all life on the planet. Can this be God's way? Yes.

Morality, religious conservatives say, comes from these "Bibles". I have seen morality from other animals. Morality is not a learned philosophy, it is an instinct. No amount of religous study can give a man higher morals. A mother's love, the willingness to put others lives ahead of your own, the selfless love that causes animals to do things for no other reason than it's the right thing to do. I have seen it.

The conflicts caused by religious conservatives are not based on morality, they are based on selfish pride. Morality is a trait of life, not taught from a book.

Attaching yourself to literal interpretations is not wise, nor necessary, for a believer. There is much compelling scientific evidence pointing to the ancient age our planet and the relation of all living things, linked by evolution and genetics. St. Augustine of Hippo, from the fourth century, also had similar interpretations of theological literature.

We need to study and learn about God's creation. Science gives us clues and faith fills in the gaps, between what we know and what we don't understand or will never know.

Now, are you still confused about what I believe? Yeah, me too.

How can we use interpretations of ancient folklore to rule people and create laws when there are many different ways to interpret those texts, either literally or symbolicly. Religious Liberty is the only choice of "civilized" society? To revert back to the ignorance and prejudice of governments which rule people on the basis of beliefs and ancient writings, instead of ethics or morality, would be like cutting away the brain God gave for us reason, logic, and wisdom.

Another Link: First Freedom First
Scientist Believer: Francis S. Collins, M.D., Ph.D
Rabbi Gellman: Is God Real?

Chemical Reactions

The voices are getting louder, I need a way to channel the neurons before my mind overloads.

What in the world is going on with the world? Why are people so freaking unhappy they must make everyone else unhappy. Let people live they want to live and quit forcing your beliefs and ideology on someone who might disagree with you. so what! we all disagree! That is being human. If they are not hurting anyone or taking away someone's elses liberties, freedoms or pursuits of living, then it is none of your business how they choose to live.

We are all unique, lets celebrate that, instead of hating because you can't stand someone that doesn't fit YOUR definition of "normal". There is no normal, normal is just a mean, an average. The average of 1, 2, and 6 is 3, but 3 is not part of the numbers being averaged. Get it! There is no such thing as normal. The further away a person is from the "norm", the more interesting that person.

Celebrate Diversity!

Van Gogh Knew

Some people listen to music for the, uh, music. Nice beat, good melody.

I have found that the songs that stick with me, the ones I remember, the ones I want to hear over and over, are the ones with meaningful lyrics I can relate to my life. I listen to them and think "Wow, that person is living the same life I am", because the lyrics represent something past or present in my life.

If you been reading my ramblings for a while, you would find that I have been through the mid-life crisis, and came out completely opposite of what I once was. It was depressing, it was depression that caused the problems, it was caused by physical changes in the body's chemicals, not by the people or events in my life at the time. (Warning: When going through depression, don't let your doctor prescribe anti-depressants. The suidical link is real, and not just for young people.)

Anyway, back to my reason for today's post, song lyrics that hold meaning in my life, that become my favorites. I have written about Closer To Fine and why I can relate to those lyrics.

Today I pick another of my recent favorites. John Mayer's Why Georgia. (I'm old, the 90's are recent to me.)

Why Georgia - John Mayer

I am driving up 85 in the
Kind of morning that lasts all afternoon
just stuck inside the gloom
4 more exits to my apartment but
I am tempted to keep the car in drive
And leave it all behind

These words came out of the radio one day when I was driving on 85, just a few exits from my apartment and I was always tempted to just keep driving and "leave it all behind". But did that once and it turned out bad, now I'm too scared to do it. Even when one of my favorite songwriters tempt me.

Cause I wonder sometimes
About the outcome
Of a still verdictless life

Always wondering about my life, what will be the outcome?

Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Am I living it right? The voices whisper this to me
Why Georgia, why?

Georgia, where I went for my failed attempt at a new life. Confirmed my fallibility. Big crash, lots of damage.

I rent a room and I fill the spaces with
Wood in places to make it feel like home
But all I feel's alone
It might be a quarter life crisis
Or just the stirring in my soul

Yeah, me too. I rent a room, and try to make it feel like home, but it just feels lonely. Was my mid-life crisis a "stirring"?

Either way I wonder sometimes
About the outcome
Of a still verdictless life

Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Why Georgia, why?

So what, so I've got a smile on
But it's hiding the quiet superstitions in my head
Don't believe me
When I say I've got it down

I try to smile so people are not always asking me "what's wrong?", but it is hiding a lot of buzzing voices in my head, and self-inflicted pain. I don't know what I'm doing here.

Everybody is just a stranger but
That's the danger in going my own way
I guess it's the price I have to pay
Still "everything happens for a reason"
Is no reason not to ask myself

I can relate to all those things, trying to be an unique individual. Trying to do what I feel is right instead of just following the crowd. It makes me a stranger to most people, except for a few kindred souls I've found here in the blogosphere. "everything happens for a reason", I'm not too sure about that, but I hope so.

If I am living it right
Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Why Georgia, why?

Why did this happen to me? Am I doing this right? Are there answers to those questions the voices keep asking me?

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Shouting Voices

You might have noticed my posts have been a little, uh, lets say, /**whisper**/ shallow over the past week. I have been doing nothing but stealing jokes, pictures, and videos and other peoples words to keep this blog "current".

Well the voices are not quiet, I've just been doing a lot of reading, trying to catch up on books I've been collecting. Now I'm going into the wilderness to dissappear for a bit, and to escape from all these distractions, except for the reading (if the voices let me). I will return with new adventures to amaze you.

Blogging is so much fun, isn't it?. Who needs TV, movies, books, exercise, time with friends, family, girlfriends/wives, cleaning, hobbies,............... Thank Dog I can eat and blog at the same time (remember to turn over the keyboard once a month to shake out the crumbs). I'm addicted to reading blogs, and I need to cut back before it transforms me into a person of purpose.

But Before I go.......

I just learned of the execution of Saddam. Now I have this voice in my head shouting at me.

Leader Dearest Bush, you disgust me.

You call that a fair trial? He was tried by his political opposition for crimes which the U.S. helped him by giving him the money and weapons to carry out those murders. Your father should have also been on trial, and in my view, you also.

For the record, I thought Saddam was an evil murderous tyrant, he should be punished. His execution is not punishment, it is an act of revenge. Why are the conservatives glorifying his murder? Because they have become just like him, more bent on revenge than justice.

Mr Bush, You have failed in every attempt at being a U.S. Leader. You failed to bring the true plotters behind the September 11 attacks to justice. Your abuse of power in Iraq is criminal. You have helped Al Qaeda gain more ground worldwide. You must be working with Osama Bin Laden, because you continue to do his work for him. Your destroying the U.S. far better than he could, bankrupting the U.S., mocking our U.S. Constitution, shredding the military, killing his enemies (Saddam), deceiving the U.S. citizens on the reasons for Iraq, and on and on and on...........

You have failed. You need to step down. You cannot handle the job we have given you. It is time to start acting like a man, and admit that you have not been successful in anything you've tried to accomplish since becoming the "Leader" of the U.S., you are a sham. You've destroyed the credibilty and ethics of the U.S. It is immoral for you to continue on in your position. You are FIRED. History we see you as a black spot, an evil time, in the history of the U.S.

Mr. President, I'm trying to keep this decent. RESIGN NOW!