September 19, 2006

The Caffeine Effect

I see everyone is obsessing on religion, again. BIG SIGH! Don't you guys have anything better to blog about, we need to ignore the religious narcissists and egomaniacs, they already have too much vanity and pride in themselves. It’s fun to point out their faults, but then they take it the wrong way and start violent and murderous rampages that only shows how anti-spiritual they really are. We need spirituality that is aimed at preserving life and the environment required for life, anything that destroys that is not of G-d.

Uh-oh. A new voice has just popped into my head. This voice sounds wise and just. The voice is telling me to quit worrying, everything is good, everything will work out. This voice is not like any other voice I’ve had in my head before, I try to ignore it and it only gets louder. “I won’t be ignored” blares in my head;

niCk: Who is this?
Voice: I am what I am
niCk: What does that mean.
Voice: 42
niCk: Huh? You read that book, too
Voice: I’ve read all books, I know everything.
niCk: You mean, this is G-d.
Voice: What you call me is not important, do you feel that.
niCk: OUCH! Goddammit that hurt. OUCH!!!!! Fuck that really hurts please stop.
Voice: Now do you know.
niCk: Just tell me, is it you, or am I just going schizoid
Voice: How’s this.
niCk: That is so good, do that again.
Voice: You only get the good stuff once, otherwise you just become a addict
niCk: DOH!. How about turning my coffee into beer, just this once.
Voice: NO! Listen I have an important message I need you to communicate to the world.
niCk: Huh! People don’t listen to me, I’m nothing.
Voice: I know. That’s way I choose you.
niCk: I don’t get it! If you want to get a message to the people, you should pick someone everyone’s listens too, like, a big star, or one of those important people who address the UN and have it broadcast all over the world.
Voice: They are hacks, they don’t know what their doing.
niCk: I don’t know what I’m doing, why me?
Voice: Because you know me better than most humans. It can’t be easy, people have to find the message. I can just speak into everyone’s mind, but I don’t, I want the people to find the answer. If they are enlightened, and are worthy they will find the message.
niCk: You have more faith in humans then they have in you.
Voice: We’ll see. Now I need to build a really big boat, an Ark.
niCk: WoooH!, I’m going to be the next Noah?
Voice: Noah? Medammit, I already tried that plan. Deucalion, Noah, that plan hasn't worked well. I’ll be right back, I have a better plan I just have to find it.

(Several hours later)

Voice: I’m back.
niCk: I’m trying to concentrate on a problem at work, can you get back to me tomorrow.
Voice: (Deep Laughter) Good One. Lets get serious, I have the plan.
niCk: The Plan? Sounds like you given this some a lot of thought.
Voice: I don’t have thoughts, I just am. Now you need to concentrate and get this right. Humanity depends on you. You got to make up for the horrible story you wrote last week.
niCk: What? Horrible? I was doing it for you.
Voice: Yeah! There is no me, there is just what there is. Let this voice do the storytelling next time. Now listen.
niCk: Hhmmm!
Voice: This message is just for the Jews, and their children, the Muslims and the Christians. Tell them the rapture is coming and I need them to do something to be saved.
niCk: OH No! The world is ending, I got to go, I have a lot to do.
Voice: No, No, NO! I just want you to tell it to those Moses religions. I can’t get through to them and I need to cleanse the earth.
niCk: Cleanse the earth! Sound like your going to get wipe us all out.
Voice: NO! Now stop thinking and just listen, trust the voice.
niCk: I think someone put something in my coffee this morning.
Voice: Yes, it was I. A little spiritual wake-up with your caffeine.

At this point, the voice told me the plan. It’s so ingenious. If only it will work.

My next post will be the Voice’s plan. Stay tuned.

(he-he). Cliffhangers, don’t you love them!


azgoddess said...

no - wait - i want the plan...ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

come on - no fair..

oh wait

i read your blog every day

oh, ok, no problem -- c ya tomorrow...big grin!!

BBC said...

We can't ignore them Nick, or they will sneak up and take over our lives. I'll get back to you on this later.