Anticipation

I love dark chocolate. I love getting one of the small Dove dark chocolate candies and slowly little the smoothy creamy chocolate melt in in mouth. Savoring the slightly bitter sweetness for as long as I can make it last.

Dove had a cute idea. Put cute, loving, positive affirmations, endearments, and terms of affections inside the foil wrappers of these small candies. So they give your ego a boost, or blush, while your enjoying the chocolate.

Yesterday I go by a coworker's desk, who I know has some of these chocolates, to say "Hi" and steal some candy. I'm not dissappointed, she has just refilled her her candy jar with Dove Darks. These candies are in the shape of hearts for Valentine's Day. I snatch a piece, make a few minutes of gratuitous conversation, then walk outside to savor the convection.

I open the candy and immediately start enjoying it. As it sits on my tongue melting, I flatten out the wrapper to complete this moment of delight. I sit back to read what "Valentine" message I received. It's kind of like reading your fortune from one's of those oriental fortunes. There is a quick moment of anticipation, then I read it. Here is the message on the wrapper:

"Be your own Valentine"

I guess the whole world knows how I spend Valentine's Day. I will indulge myself. Again. /* Big Sigh */

Van Gogh Knew

Some people listen to music for the, uh, music. Nice beat, good melody.

I have found that the songs that stick with me, the ones I remember, the ones I want to hear over and over, are the ones with meaningful lyrics I can relate to my life. I listen to them and think "Wow, that person is living the same life I am", because the lyrics represent something past or present in my life.

If you been reading my ramblings for a while, you would find that I have been through the mid-life crisis, and came out completely opposite of what I once was. It was depressing, it was depression that caused the problems, it was caused by physical changes in the body's chemicals, not by the people or events in my life at the time. (Warning: When going through depression, don't let your doctor prescribe anti-depressants. The suidical link is real, and not just for young people.)

Anyway, back to my reason for today's post, song lyrics that hold meaning in my life, that become my favorites. I have written about Closer To Fine and why I can relate to those lyrics.

Today I pick another of my recent favorites. John Mayer's Why Georgia. (I'm old, the 90's are recent to me.)

Why Georgia - John Mayer

I am driving up 85 in the
Kind of morning that lasts all afternoon
just stuck inside the gloom
4 more exits to my apartment but
I am tempted to keep the car in drive
And leave it all behind

These words came out of the radio one day when I was driving on 85, just a few exits from my apartment and I was always tempted to just keep driving and "leave it all behind". But did that once and it turned out bad, now I'm too scared to do it. Even when one of my favorite songwriters tempt me.

Cause I wonder sometimes
About the outcome
Of a still verdictless life

Always wondering about my life, what will be the outcome?

Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Am I living it right? The voices whisper this to me
Why Georgia, why?

Georgia, where I went for my failed attempt at a new life. Confirmed my fallibility. Big crash, lots of damage.

I rent a room and I fill the spaces with
Wood in places to make it feel like home
But all I feel's alone
It might be a quarter life crisis
Or just the stirring in my soul

Yeah, me too. I rent a room, and try to make it feel like home, but it just feels lonely. Was my mid-life crisis a "stirring"?

Either way I wonder sometimes
About the outcome
Of a still verdictless life

Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Why Georgia, why?

So what, so I've got a smile on
But it's hiding the quiet superstitions in my head
Don't believe me
When I say I've got it down

I try to smile so people are not always asking me "what's wrong?", but it is hiding a lot of buzzing voices in my head, and self-inflicted pain. I don't know what I'm doing here.

Everybody is just a stranger but
That's the danger in going my own way
I guess it's the price I have to pay
Still "everything happens for a reason"
Is no reason not to ask myself

I can relate to all those things, trying to be an unique individual. Trying to do what I feel is right instead of just following the crowd. It makes me a stranger to most people, except for a few kindred souls I've found here in the blogosphere. "everything happens for a reason", I'm not too sure about that, but I hope so.

If I am living it right
Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Why Georgia, why?

Why did this happen to me? Am I doing this right? Are there answers to those questions the voices keep asking me?

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Faking It

PTOOEYY!
Today is the concocted celebration climax of the fake plastic American society.

Today we celebrate the ultimate in worthless entertainment and insults to sports by spending millions and partying around the great U.S. mind control machine to watch the ultimate in micro-managed distraction of another episode of football, American style.

We don't want real sports, we just want something to spend our money on and another reason to drink kool-aid beers, and a bunch of fried food that all tastes the same, fried.

Why? Why don't we appreciate a real sport. One that is played all over the world, soccer. Because that requires too much endurance for any U.S. American athlete to perform, it doesn't allow the raging antics of teams of coaches, and it doesn't use enough complexity, Americans love complexity. Take the simplest task, and see how Americans can screw it up by micro-managing it to death.

Thanks to Genevieve for the Golden pictures

Soccer is a beautiful sport, it is simple, the players play without taking a break every 10 seconds. There is only one coach, sitting quietly one the sidelines, letting the players play the game. Believe it or not, the U.S. is world renown for it's soccer. Women's soccer! hehe.

I won't be turning on the mind-control machine tonight.

That is unless I can find some women's sport to watch, like beach volleyball. Oh yeah! What's the score? I don't know, I just like watching those athlete's play that game.

You see, I can be shallow.

Spirit in the Sky

Sirius (constellation Canis Major), the first star to be seen as the day turns to night. The brightest star in our sky, after the sun, can sometimes be seen during daylight hours.

The stars, these are real spirits. These spirits contain the material history of the universe, the past and future of it's evolution, and the mysterious truth of creation.

Here, in the spirits of the sky, a Dog shines bright.

Friday Spirituality Link:

Calvin's Friend

Since I'm busy and being lazy about posting this week, we get another psychoanalytic quiz, what famous feline are you?.

Thanks to Blueberry for finding this one. Another accurate description of my psychosises.




Take the Quiz

My Results:

You're Hobbes. First of all, the makers of this quiz would like to congratulate you. You have our seal of approval. You are kind, intelligent, loving, and good-humoredly practical. You're proud of who you are. At the same time, you're tolerant of those who lack your clearsightedness. You're always playful, but never annoying. For these traits, you are well-loved, and with good cause.

Never annoying? HA, I knew it. Wait until I show this to all the heartless bitches who tell me "Go away, you annoy me"

Close to The Edge

Thanks to Katie Schwartz for this "book quiz" introspection. Here are my results:

You're Siddhartha!

by Hermann Hesse

You simply don't know what to believe, but you're willing to try anything once. Western values, Eastern values, hedonism and minimalism, you've spent some time in every camp. But you still don't have any idea what camp you belong in. This makes you an individualist of the highest order, but also really lonely.

It's time to chill out under a tree. And realize that at least you believe in ferries.

Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

Wow, that's very accurate.

Friday Brewhuahua

(Rhymes with Chihuahua)

When you value the companionship of a good soul mate, then it's time to share a nice cold brew with your best friend and spiritual advisor.

AMSTERDAM, Netherlands - After a long day hunting, there's nothing like wrapping your paw around a cold bottle of beer. So Terrie Berenden, a pet shop owner in the southern Dutch town of Zelhem, created a beer for her Weimaraners made from beef extract and malt.

"Once a year we go to Austria to hunt with our dogs, and at the end of the day we sit on the verandah and drink a beer. So we thought, my dog also has earned it," she said.

Berenden consigned a local brewery to make and bottle the nonalcoholic beer, branded as Kwispelbier. It was introduced to the market last week and advertised it as "a beer for your best friend."

"Kwispel" is the Dutch word for wagging a tail.

The beer is fit for human consumption, Berenden said. But at euro1.65 ($2.14) a bottle, it's about four times more expensive than a Heineken.

It's about time. I doubt it will stop any of my beer from disappearing.

Friday Spirituality Link/Video: A Girl's Best Dancing Partner

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What's That Smell?

DO-RE-MIBEER, by Homer J. Simpson.

DOUGH... the stuff that buys me beer
RAY..... the guy that sells me beer
ME...... the guy who drinks the beer
FAR..... the distance to my beer
SO...... I think I'll have a beer
LA...... La, la, la, la, la, beer
TEA..... no thanks, I'm drinking beer
That will bring us back to
(Lifts Glass, it is empty)
D'OH!

Last Minute

Only one thinking day left until niCkalia. Tomorrow there will be no thinking allowed , so get all your heavy brain work done today, tomorrow you need to celebrate the savior of nothing with the traditional catatonic stare at a blank wall. Give your brain a rest.

If you have problems turning off your mind, I suggest you hurry and steal (no shopping allowed) one of the popular cat videos, and stare at the birdies with mindless distraction.

Speaking of mindless distraction. How come the "State of the Union" address can't be what it says it is? Instead we have a rehearsed political propaganda speech. The state of our country, and what needs to be done to fix the damage of our current leader, continues to be ignored. (I had to get that in today, I won't be thinking tomorrow)

SOTU Parody, from mccs1977. Thanks.

Now, stop thinking, and hold your nose. A foul smell is about to get worse.

Acquired Taste

This weekend I ran the Auburn Classic Half Marathon. I finished. If you're ever interested in the races I run, and my results, they are posted on my other blog, which I now use as a race log.

Race organizers know that a race will get much more participation when beer offered at the end of a race. This race offered beer. Markers along the way reminded runners of the reward at the end. "8 Miles til Beer". That keeps some runners going.

They didn't have beer. They had low calorie, low carb faux beer, but they had no real beer. Michelob Ultra and Bud Light. What the FUCK are they thinking. I just ran thirteen miles, why the hell do I want this watered-down diet crap they erroneously call beer. That's the stuff high school kids use to get drunk, and even some of the immature college kids, but once you get a taste of the real classic brew, there is no going back to the kool-aid beers. There are decent mass-produced beers out there, there is no reason to go for the cheap Bud/Coors/Miller brands that are an insult to the beer industry. The last time I bought that swill was to fertilize my lawn. Age has produced a beer snob in me. I also spent some of my High School years in Germany, where they have laws about making beer. I cannot imagine what they think of the massively-consumed American beer posers.

Now, I can think of good uses for these American insults to beer at the end of a race; How about soaking your sweaty, hot feet. That would feel so good on my "dogs" after a long run.

These are beers: Newcastle (Draft), Carlsberg, Guinness, Various Microbrews to numerous to mentioned. Even Sam Adams produces good beer, and Warsteiner (German Budweiser) will do in a pinch. Some of my planned vacations are to do a beer tour of Belguim, hiking the Alps to taste the different local brews of Bavaria and Austria, and touring the cities of Prague and Vienna on foot, finding local food and beer that are unique.

I don't use beer to get drunk, like I did when I was a young dumb conservative. I've matured, learned a few things, became a bit wiser (or less wiser, some would say), and don't want to waste the last half of my life on inferior food, drink, or products.

Have I become a food snob?

Why are all the "American" versions of food so bland and tasteless. I don't go out to eat much, unless I really have to, and then I try to find locally owned restaurants. Why go out and get cheap food, when I can make something much better at home. Who knows what they put in the food to get people to crave the taste of junk food (salt?chemicals?fat?fat?fat?), but the people I know that live on restaurant are very unhealthy, overweight and usually obnoxious about their right to destroy themselves with cheap junk food. I don't live the way I do to live longer, but to live better. Ok, Time to go, I'm starting to get of f on a tangent, different rant for a different day.

Picture of niCk at the finish line. (Warning: it's not pretty)
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Dalmation Release

Less than one week left to ignore shopping, stop thinking, hold your nose, and celebrate the new spots that keep appearing on me.

Am I becoming a Dalmation?

It would make sense. I was released into the world on the same day of this Disney classic.

The niCkation is coming, praise Dog.



I wish I had more time to write, but I've been extremely busy between work and preparing for a half-marathon this weekend. I hope to get a few good posts in next week, at least one for niCkmas. Then it's off for the 5 mile "Hog Wild" Dothan trail (mud) run next weekend.

Life is Good, when the endorphines are flowing.

Feeling Lucky?

Google is my alternate brain. Whenever I need an answer to anything, or to check the spelling of a word, it's Google to the rescue.

Google has real intelligence and wisdom. I think it's becoming sentient.

Type in "miserable failure" on Google, then hit the "I'm Feeling Lucky" button.

Common Ground

Why are people surprised when kidnapping victims are found alive after many years, living loyally with their captors, without trying to escape from their prison? Is it only me, that I can identify with these victims?

Oh shit, what's wrong with me. I must be a terribly mentally imbalanced person. I'm never shocked by these news stories. In a lot of ways, it makes sense to me. Is it because I'm more empathetic than most people? Or have they just had a ordinary, functional upbringing.

The story of the two Missouri boys that had been kidnapped and found this week was all over the news this weekend. One had been living with his "captor" for 4 years. The neighbors had seen him and just thought that they had belonged together, father and son, because the boy made no attempts to escape or let neighbors know his identity.

When I was that age, early teens, and even younger, I had dreams and fantasies of being abducted. I know I was naive and innocent, as I thought this would be a great way to escape my family and the misery I always seemed to feel when I was that age.



By the time I was in fifth and sixth grade, which would make me 10 or 11 years old, my (evil) older brother and I where basically living on our own. Our alcoholic mother would pop-in from time to time to drop off some food or cash before hitting the bars and then spending the night with one of her boyfriends. In sixth grade I skipped school for a week before anyone noticed. I just didn't go, hung around the house watching Lost In Space reruns, wishing I had a family like the Robinson's. Then, because I think the neighbors were complaining about her neglecting us, my brother and I were sent to to live with my Dad, and the Nazi stepmother from hell. I have written before about her evil ways in Both Sides, Now. We lived in Germany. She hated us, we hated her. I would try to keep to myself, stay out of the way and out of trouble, but she would stir things up and make up trouble where none existed. I dreamed of a vengeful suicidal slaughter, or to be kidnapped by one of the American hating German groups, never to be heard from again until I was leader of the hated group. I think the Patty Hearst story had happened about that time, and I was thinking how lucky Patty was to have that adventure.

It's called Stockholm Syndrome. I think if it would have been me, at that age, I'd never want to be rescued. Does that shock you? It makes me cringe when I think that most of the times these kidnappings occur for perverted sexual cravings, but I think when that happens, those victims don't survive. Maybe the kidnapper just wanted some companionship, and knew the right children to target. Those children with unhappy, miserable, dysfunctional families. And he let them live like they wanted, probably watching TV or playing video games all day. It's happened before, and will happen again.

Parents, is that reason enough to put your children first? Give them a rich, rewarding, happy childhood. The serious part of life comes much too quick.

Day of the Dog

I know a good therapist. Treatment is paid in doggy treats.

“Happiness is a warm puppy.”

--Charles M. Schultz




What is it exactly that makes humans envious of a dog's life? Is it because deep down inside we know that our dogs lead happy, simple lives? That they don't need to seek a wise man on top of a mountain to find themselves, because they know exactly where they are? That they have no worries to speak of -- no bills, business meetings, final exams, or power lunches? That they're not interested in impressing a new girlfriend or boyfriend and they're not angry if you missed their birthday?

We could learn a few things from our dogs. I know I could. One of my dogs is always telling me to take a break and enjoy life. After all, what could be easier than living in the moment?

-- Margaret H. Bonham, A Dog's Wisdom: A Heartwarming View of Life

Beware

One year ago I took this quiz. I did the quiz again today to compare with last year's results.

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Disorder:	Very High
Schizoid Disorder:	High
Schizotypal Disorder:	Very High
Antisocial Disorder:	Low
Borderline Disorder:	Very High
Histrionic Disorder:	Low
Narcissistic Disorder:	Moderate
Avoidant Disorder:	Very High
Dependent Disorder:	High
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	High
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! -- -- Personality Disorders --

Everyone always says I'm Anti-social, but this test proves I'm not. There it is , expert opinion from the internet, who needs therapy.

Now leave me a comment, then leave me alone. I'm social, but I'm avoidant and less dependent now, and I don't like attention, but I need your approval. You wouldn't want to drive me completely over the edge.

Damn, there is another spot on my screen. Where do all these spots come from. I can't stand spots on my screen, I just cleaned the screen and now there's spots again, drives me f--king nuts, and who used my phone? Leave my stuff alone.

Please drop by again. P-P-P-P-Please!

Shades of Gray

What do the following things have in common?

Saint Tatiana Christian Martyr

Saint Dwynwen Welsh Patron Saint of Lovers

niCk (mem beth) Far from a saint, not yet a martyr, always a lover



Clue: niCkivus (I just made that word up, so don't try and Google it.)


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Illogical Lack of Reason

I have been reading, with much disbelief, the chatter about Congressman Keith Ellison.

Here we are, the United States of America, with the greatest Constitution in the history of the world. The U.S. Constitution guarantees Religious Liberty, yet some in congress wanted to force Ellison to swear in using the Christian bible, instead of the bible from his own Islamic faith, the Qur'an.

If "We The People" don't follow the ideals expressed in the Constitution, than we are hypocrites.

So, "We The People" have a document outlining how we want our nation to be governed, a moral and ethical pledge, but don't want to extend those civil liberties and human rights to the people who govern us.

What's surprising is one of the most vocal critics, Dennis Prager, is Jewish. I have to add that he is one of those neo-con (neo-idiot?) nationalists. He is on the United States Holocaust Memorial Council. Though Prager is an activist and advocate for conservative causes and a partisan of the conservative Republican party, he sometimes labels himself as "passionate centrist" or a "JFK liberal", depending on his audience.

"I was appointed to the (board) because of a lifetime devoted to combating anti-Semitism and every other form of discrimination," said Prager.

"My entire effort in the Keith Ellison matter has been to draw attention to the need to acknowledge the Bible as the basis of America's moral values," he added. "Judeo-Christian values are the greatest single protection against another Holocaust."

Combating Discrimination? It looks like he's promoting discrimination to me. What a incredibly huge hypocrite. This kind of bigotry is the same Hitler used to begin the Holocaust. Prager is spreading the same kind of intolerance and blame that Hitler used to rid Germany of people of his Prager's faith, as well as political opposition, dissidents, gays, cripples, gypsies, those with mental problems, and so on. He blames Muslims and Ellison for bringing terrorism to the our government, calling him a "Congressman for Terrorism".

The problem isn't any one religion, but the conservative intolerant view of a religion.

We need a government free from the influences and abuses of religion. Our Constitution was created for this reason, to keep religious influence out of government. Not to keep religion out of government, but the freedom to accept or deny beliefs without being the target of discriminated. If the Christian bible is the moral basis of American values, then we would be in a dire state of depravity.

In this instance, constitutional wisdom prevailed. Ellison was sworn in with other House members on the House floor and at a ceremonial, photo-opportunity swearing-in with Speaker Nancy Pelosi. Ironically, he chose to use a Qur'an once owned by Thomas Jefferson instead of the traditional Christian bible.

Maybe it is time to change. We need to start swearing in new Senators, Congressmen, Presidents, etc., using the U.S. Constitution. It is a document that is much less repulsive than religious bibles.

When Leader Dearest was sworn in, did he swear to uphold and defend the U.S. Constitution? Yet another of his thousands of failures.

The simple minded
And the uninformed
Can be easily led astray
And those that cannot connect the dots
Hey look the other way
People believe what they want to believe
When it makes no sense at all

- John Mellencamp, "Walk Tall"

A Muse

Where is my Muse?

Muse Pimp

Friday

I've got a serious lack of creativity lately, is that blogger's block?

The voices are shouting at me (what is that fool in the white house doing? What an effing asshole), I can't concentrate.

So, again, until my creativity returns, you must put up with my lack of imagination.


Its Friday, commune with nature and try to forget about the humans that make this world so intolerable.

When we're through with the quarters for each of the U.S. States, I'm going to suggest next we create a quarter praising the glory of Dog.

Excuse me now, I'm still trying to catch up on my reading.

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Mistaken to Immoral

From David R. Remer, WatchBlog Editor:

"The consensus of the troops is Bush is failing their mission in Iraq. The consensus of the Generals is that a surge is risky and unnecessary. The consensus of the American people is the same. And now, of the 49 Republican Senators, only 12 appear to support such a move by the President. Clearly, if President Bush goes through with this announcement, he has departed from his role as elected representative of the people. And he has donned the role of ruler who uses the people for his own ends regardless of their lives, welfare, grief, or good of the nation.
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What will history say of President Bush, who chose to spend American lives in defense of his ego, which cannot accept that the biggest decision of his presidency was a grotesque and deadly mistake? If President Bush announces he will surge the number of American troops in Iraq for the purpose of quelling the violence in Iraq, he will have turned a mistaken decision to invade, into an immoral act of personal ego preservation and passing the buck."

Read the whole article:

Bush: From Mistaken to Immoral?